Events of one year ago come to me.

I don't suppose you'd consider me a best friend. though from my opinion, i have considered you one of my closest friends despite not knowing you as long as others. it was you who knew all the intricacies of my stories and my psyche. it was you with the wisdom, and the patience to put up with all my avarice and moral ambiguities. you were, in my opinion, the morally superior one with the great grand vision for people.

of your depths of wisdom and knowledge.. much to say there is. You are one of two persons could talk on the same wavelength with me, perhaps because of how much we knew about stuff in general.. maybe on hindsight, there is something to your written references to Hades and Persephone in the underworld. you'd know by now...

All the memories, I treasure. All the random times we talked. I remember, exactly one year ago, you talked me out of a bad slew of depression after my dad said hurtful things to me and threatened to destroy my work. It wasn't much an ideal birthday for you to deal with me, but you made the difference that day. I wonder if I've made any for your sake..

I thank you for all you mean to me. Happy birthday, Blazerknight.

Kuro Yoru

The clouds were, are dark.

Symbolic? They always do that in literature. Day might've been crappy given the deadlines, emphasising on the 'dead' part. They are done with *cheer*, and I live to die another day. A Bond One Liner, haha. It's not much to look forward to, since it's not that much of an extension. Bleah.

It is in dark times that make me near-catatonic. Things always seem harder that way, in these conditions.




No, dark weather hardly fazes me. I've spent too many thunderstorms alone at home with a cup of tea to keep me company while I watch the tempest. Forces of nature they are.

"I am a patron of this play, however unwilling, not an actor. I may cheer the cast, the stage itself is forbidden to me."

I watch too much. I'd warrant a beating for all the eyes I keep open, sitting complacently and washing sweet snacks down with tea. A fine life for one so... unfine.

Because of how I was raised. The transitions of a bookworm from a book to another. I am an aberration in every sense of the word. and to whom does that title pass on to?

Draw out the Magnum.

remembrance

the death of a marine...
The death of the death of the marine...
Is still death, cold and sad.

Semper fi...
I salute, and play a solemn military march in memory.

I am very moved by Clint Eastwood's Letters from Iwo Jima. I never thought I'd think of IJA conscripts as sympathetic before I watched it. It brought me memories, and hence I doubly cried when I watched Letters from Iwo Jima. Nonetheless... I've been criticised for my sentiments related to the movie... I understand the sadness and the pain of the soldiers... A humble baker, separated from wife and child to go to conflict...

Remember the SMSes from ACS (Independent) and the men who sent them. Morale morale... It was the best lift for morale during those days in camps, I remember. And many fell. What may perhaps be the last legacy of those who gave so much.

I recovered the arrowhead, the brutal arrowhead from that grievous wound.. And I recognised the fletching.

hardly royal a goodbye

We have realised the pointlessness of sapience, of intelligence so great that it's become some sort of family heirloom to be shown off. Why do we think so damn much? Our mind, why doth it not rest and numb itself? That it takes just so much hard liquor to still it in mere temporary stupor?

Our traumatic experiences can be used to bless other people, as we have discussed with ourselves and others. We have been through a lot in one year, enough for us to tell off with renewed vigour anyone whoever dares to lay their hands on our niece's future.

We have to say to the scientific disciplines: F _ _ K YOU. You ruined our lives, and yet in the ruin we have forged only means to escape. Escape is not the end, just the means to an end.

The world is a corrupt and sad place. We grasped long ago the pointlessness of using hope as a means. We are a jaded personality(ies). shirk of us our responsibilities. we were born to subvert, anyway.

We are badly shocked at the fakeness of many things that surround us. Good? we think not. So fake, so disgusting and foul. We have well and truly shamed ourselves trying to make those comparisons last time, we truly have. If thou'st to be 'good' then get real. No 'good' person does that. A 'good' person is...

quiet, modest, urbane, well-mannered, most importantly quiet.

we are tired, and afraid.

In our mind -
She speaks on behalf of the fool who is hardly cynical enough.

mabushikute mabushikute

I have to extend my apologies to everyone out there for bashing v-day.

It's not bad that CNY day #1 shares the same date. Visited my gran, and spend time with my relatives. Ate pineapple tarts. Good that in one day people can celebrate familial love and romantic love, and I'm pretty ok despite the lack of the latter.

I'm somewhat less jaded though, thanks...

Bus number

Yep.

Celebrated CNY in school with a concert, had a close run with a banshee. How I detest these aberrations in God's work. Pretty much the reason why I created an avatar of justice character Rin Nanako Konoe, who takes down banshees.

And again, I sometimes get appalled at materialism and how it's permeated all our lives. It's one of the things that tear families apart and estrange people, cause so many misunderstandings.

Perhaps I'd like to bash V-day, but I'm sure so many people will be angry at me for spoiling the 'fun'. I'm sorry, I don't see what's the fun. I'm not getting chocolates for anyone save myself. Sorry if I'm selfish, but I'm not up for being shipped just because its V-day, you shippers.

acknowledgement, apology, condolence

you are seriously some oracle or something. I take it all back.

I'm different in my actions and thoughts however, and a mystery to myself.
You're correct only for one. I'm sorry to say about the other...

Of course, so hair doesn't get yanked and there are no emergency field promotions to the coveted post of M.O.H.

Hello,

I can only wish I had oracular prophetic dreams just so I have ammo to return the favour with.

Yeah don't tell Thea.

what-fascism?

It is within rather trying circumstances right now that I revive my blog. What are these trying times of which I speak? It is the same story. And the same questions that I ask:

Why has Confucius done this?

Why have the Chinese been humiliated so much in the last 2 centuries?

Why are we poor?

Why do we have to be materialistic?

Why must we practice sino-fascist values and eternally condemn the practices and culture of our Western co-worlders?

I've made crazy, conspiracy-theorist-type theories with regards to my own father. Listed above were my questions on the theories for thing happening as such. It's wierd, but yes. Somehow there is a connection...

Between the fall of a great empire and the raging wrath of a parent who sends his immediate family members quailing in utter fear. Whose spouse is but excrement from the open toilet - as only according to him.


In the dark hall where my father's eyes have gone complacent;
I am alone with my thoughts and posts...
Silently I curse myself:
"You sad, lonely idiot. Why couldn't DNA be on your side?"
I fear this yet most out of all my fears -
I don't want to be like you.
I don't want to hurt the people close to me.
I just want a simple life.
No sinofascism. No spouse-hurting. (If there is even to be one.)
No death, no destruction. No war.
No nuke-happy fingers on big red buttons.
Let me escape - from myself. From you.

happy troping and moping (oxymoronic indeed)

On monday, I cut up a heart in bio prac. It looks mangled after the dissection, and dont all organs look it when cut? I would post a pic, but I won't shock anyone so.... I'm not sure what heart it was from, a goat, a sheep, a cow, or a pig (maybe i think somebody should rejoice if it really came from a pig heart) - but i'm certain it doesn't look too different from my heart.

and i am 68% yandere. Oddly enough i've noticed i've come across some tsundere people in school... That makes me a minority...


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認定証

What a loooooooooong rainy day after school.... I wanted to soak in the rain like some inebriated emo drunk, but i wasn't allowed to......
...tired....

...so very tired...

what is the big deal with/about tsunderes huh....

truths, and impulses

Just like...

I might as well be a person who has no sense of self.

For that sole reason I have kept on living like this.

Back then, all that I knew was going to school, playing with friends, falling like normal. That was my life and I never doubted my happiness.

These past two years. Was it a long time? Was it a short time? It was truly a very short time till my sixteenth birthday. My feelings have the small destructive passions everyone has. Being strongly emotional by nature, I knew that I could do something terrible with such destructive passions let wild. Such small feelings for an instant solidify in my mind and take over. That was how it worked.

I wanted to go crazy. I would've wanted to entrust myself completely to insanity. But doing that to the full, that would mean I would commit more vile transgressions. And I kept on trying.

And all that is left is for me to take responsibility for my actions.

Responsibility is a funny thing, actually. Some cases of being responsible may involve hurts, and great ones that.