Thanatos - because it's painless

Note title.

I'm going nuts. I would like to jump off a high roof. And fly, all badass.
But no suicide.

I cant help but notice quality of service really sucks more and more with each day. Don't call it service man. It sucks so much to not be called service - call it despotism. I am so pissed that i could write more.

I want to start a spin-off!

A teaser...

I saw Mother slumped over her pine desk with her face in a sodden text. The air rank of whiskey and brandy from the bottles littering Mum and Dad's study. Judging from the number of bottles, I reckoned Mother must have had cleared the whole stock since I was gone. I approached her and laid my quaking hand on her shoulder. The whole situation seemed so strange and unfamiliar. Here mum was in a mess, and Dad was nowhere to be seen, when he would be cuddling her whenever she was not feeling up to standard.

"Mum," I whispered before the books fell onto the floor with several thuds.

My mother's arms were around me in an instant. "Rin!" she called my name, choking on her tears and whiskey. My body froze and remained stubborn to my fears. I feared that in her inebriation, just any of her advanced spells would come loose and erase my existence. She pulled me slightly farther apart from herself and focused her bloodshot eyes onto my alert ones.

"You're scaring me, Mum," I said unconsciously. "Please..."

Before I could finish my plea, she pulled me closer again.

"Rin, I won't hurt you, dear," she comforted. "I know how to control myself around those drinks... But Rin, I'm so sorry; I've tried every spell to stop it happening since..." she sobbed.

"What?"

"Your father's been killed."

I couldn't believe my ears. I couldn't believe my mother. He had been the gracious father
to myself, and to Mum the loving husband. I simply sobbed into my mother's robe and let the smell of the alcohol overwhelm me.

When we had both stopped crying and realised that only mother and daughter remained, dependent on each other to forge on with our existence. My father's blood would be paid for in full. I would count on it, on every tool and spell I would use to see that goal to the end.

"Mum," I asked while helping her to her feet,"who did it?"

I read something very,very old. Suprise it's still here after a year.happy 1st anniversary, oh inspirational piece of art. It did stuff to me. It stripped off all my doubts and made me the full-fledged cynic i am today. so cynical as to have had a dinner with myself (complete with green tea). i am nearly always beside myself.

i have no more to say then,cuz ppl lose their patience for waiting for that absolution.

just, dont.

Birthdays and the like. and to cheering up.

I remember how I spent 18/08/08. It was fun, but I admit (on hindsight) that I got kinda crazy too in regards to how i had dinner to celebrate somebody's birthday.

Happy belated to my cuz CJS, while I'm at it.

This time, perhaps daresay I: much better, thanks everybody.

I'm hoping to write more too. Sew away, plot. I'm ecstatic to see what comes outta the good ol' plot maker.

haeppie~~~~~ PFFFT.

Wouldnt you like to know what I did on national day last year? Pffft. I watched the parade, as any singaporean would. The question is: what was i doing during all those commercial breaks? I'll tell you: I was being watched. And i stupidly let it remain as such!

Looking back on it, I'd say it was a terrible time for me. But i suppose times are viewed as how one chooses to see them. The gist of this is that people see things differently. So, as I saw, there wasnt any silicon dioxide and aluminium, or copper, or titanium. (blame my taking chem hl) Since it was such, I took the road less travelled by. And it has made all the difference. (That is english hl for you. english hl ftw.) I am so sorry. Ahh, shallow me. The deep,sentiMENTAL, poet/writer/mangaka actually isnt so deep after all, at this rate. Ah well. wish me luck, and I'll wish you luck. Do me a favour, and I'll do you a favour. But....

love me, and i'm sorry i cant. it occured to me that you like what i like, but you didnt have what i liked.

look on the bright side. the martian alien might be better, ya know. he might protect you with his uber-cool RAY GUN...haha.

Happy national day.

(dan happy king ma to kung fu cheers)

Enjoy them FIREWERKZ.

halfsies

Hopefully, this is a better start to the week. Yeah. Much stuff done and accounted for, but I still need to do other stuff to catch up as well. And much thanks to all who helped this to happen in some way or another. Big things take long times to clear up, but I daresay some better milestones have been reached.

Hopefully when more mess is cleared up, I can go back to writing. So little time.....

Things certainly are boiling up at home, here. My head seriously hurts. And more. Why cant people just lay back on the cursing? Is condemnation really so fun on others? Living in fear, day after day...

I need to hide a knife or something.

Paradox Paradigm

I spent much of my day in adrenaline rush. No, never been able to count my pulse. Too busy. Only after nice dinner and dessert, and going home with my work done, then has my heart gone to rest. Flipping finally. Adrenaline rush, also beacuse its almost over a year since.... A lot of stuff happened. Then close shaves too. Fate turned out so different just for a lack of SiO2. Lawlz.

The titular paradox is quite a paradox for one such as me to deal with. What am i to do? Naturally, some things people must dispense off. Else it will just rot away inside, without its upkeep. Thanatos in all its glory.

ever cry, ever life

Tissue paper-thin

Well, this is it. 1 year has passed. And so, I wish happy anniversary. No gifts in particular save for downing 3 bottles of green tea (at MY cost, so doesn't count as a gift), and also got 'scolded' a fair deal by the rest of the Quartet. And others too. Bring on the scolding... I'm jaded and cynical. Blame my low luck rating - E. That accounts for all the bad shit that happened since 17/09/1992. honestly, i shouldnt even be here, existing.

The nature of one's origins, or at least their motivations and guiding principles. Consider mine - Detachment. the nature of death (of the soul/heart) is something some people have explored. At least for the darker ones. Besides happy anniversary, I must too wish happy 1st birthday to my evil, yin split-personality. Or birthday is a little inaccurate, so let it be happy 1st freedom anniversary.

Sometimes we feel surrounded by problems on all sides. Also, feeling totally helpless in such a predicament. And thankfully, most of the time, we'd be able to overcome them. But there would then go a cycle of stuff, so its natural, so it's life.

Unknown for the most part, it was very much isolated. Nobody around really cared much of appreciating that folorn building. And then, a group of adventurers erm, adventured into it. They did much help there. Much of it, at least for a while. I would suppose it got forgotten, perhaps. Because things change. The focus shifted, as with in change. People hate change. years of growing up under home conditions do make an impact on one's psyche. I've gotten quite used to the isolation thing, perhaps. Maybe not.

Caffeine and responsibility

Sometimes we feel totally surrounded by problems. Quote me as example. Ergh. It's a question of...choice indeed. I'd put another poem, but time is as always against me.

Really,it is.

And,time to squish my hands together and recite. too bad,that y'all would only hear it later. sigh....... i am thirsty. coke, anybody?